You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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