This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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