Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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