I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
