i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
