i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
