He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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