i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize