My sheets look like a crime scene.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
