I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
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