i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
