If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
