He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize