Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
