Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
