Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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