God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
