How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Your shirt... Was in my pants
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
