youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
