I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
