People with herpes should wear stickers.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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