I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
so much tequila, so little girl.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
These tits shall not be calmed
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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