I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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