I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
