P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
