Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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