You're completely useless in the revolution.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
