Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
