I will die if light touches me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
