Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
