Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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