Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
