Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize