Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
