How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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