so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
