My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
