Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
