Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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