This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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