if i can run in heels then i can drive
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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