No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I forget how to act sober
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
