Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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