its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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