what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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