Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize