Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
