im about as happy as oj after his trial
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
