They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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