I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
