Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
