And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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