I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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