Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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