saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
