the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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