Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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