just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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