i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
