So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
