I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
