the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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