I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
