Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
