They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
