Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
