Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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