his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
