I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
