Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
