i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
