guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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