i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
