Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
